About Me

My photo
North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

what should I do?

Yesterday I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. I was given the options of D&C, natural or drugs to start the process. My initial response was I do not want any more surgeries on my ute (I've had 2 d&c's and a septum resection) so I want it to happen naturally. My RE said that was fine whatever I wanted, but if I didn't start bleeding in two weeks, I needed to come in for a D&C. I spoke with my ob/gyn this morning to get her opinion as to what I should do. She feels I should have the d&C and start trying again immediately because my chances of carrying a successful pregnancy are best right now after my septum resection. She said another d&c would not cause problems. She really feels this is my best window of opportunity and the longer I wait after my surgery the larger the chances for scar tissue to build up in my ute. Emotionally I am not sure I can do this again. This will be my 5th miscarriage in less than three years. Do I take the chance and try again, or do I take a break and try to piece my life back together. I don't want to look back and feel like I missed my opportunity but I also don't want to wreck myself and my marriage more than I already have. I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


An empty yolk sac is all we saw yesterday.... It is very small and does not look promising. Unless a miracle happens, it looks like this will be m/c # 5. I cannot do this anymore, this is killing me, my husband and my marriage.

Monday, April 14, 2008

seven days and counting

I figure I must be about 21 days past conception right now. My u/s is next week. Last week I was extremely busy at work and time flew by, this week is not quite as busy, and the weekend gave me time to dwell on what might happen. I try hard not to think about what if we don't see a heartbeat next week. I am terrified. Also what if we do see a heartbeat? We saw one my last pregnancy and then I lost it three days later. I want to be positive and will this pregnancy to last, but doubt begins to creep in. I have googled 21 days past conception just to see where my body and the baby should be. I don't get a lot of clear information. My boobs are tender, and I am more tired than usual. The other thing is I have leg cramps at night. What is that about? No puking yet. I am having trouble focusing on anything b/c I am thinking about the baby. I hate this, feeling of helplessness. There is nothing I can do now. I am hoping five is our number. This is our fifth pregnancy and next month will be our 5th anniversary. That's a good sign right? I pulled out the book "Coming to Term" last night and re-read the section on uterine anomalies. It did not give me reassurance. I have almost a whole shelf of books on miscarriage and infertility now. When will I get to have books about pregnancy and babies? I have to stop thinking this way. Pull yourself together girl.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


My progesterone results came back 20, and my RE said that was borderline and given my history he decided to prescribe prometrium. This makes me feel like I am doing all that I can to sustain this pregnancy. I take 200mg vaginally twice a day. I took progesterone bullet suppositories with my last pg so I know about the ooze. I'm glad that my RE prescribed vaginally instead of orally. The side effects I read about for oral use didn't sound so great. Only 19 more days to go until u/s.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Beta #2

So I had my second Beta this morning, but I couldn't resist POAS when I got up and I go a faint BFP. The Beta results were 63, which is almost 5 times what it was on Monday. So that is good. I still don't know what my progesterone results were from Monday, so I don't know if I need prometrium or not. My RE scheduled my first u/s for April 21 at 7weeks. That seems like an eternity away, but I know that will be when we could actually see something too. I have had 5 week u/s before and that only added to my stress. Now I just need to find a way to keep my anxiety levels down for the next 20 days. I hope my new ute will provide a good home for this baby. I can't stop poking my boobs to see if they are sore, which they seem to be a little, but maybe that's from all the poking. I never had morning sickness with any of my previous pregnancies, and this sounds crazy but I am praying I will puke everyday. I need that reassurance that my body is making the hormones it needs. I will happily suffer for the next 9 months to hold a healthy baby in my arms. Shit, I cannot allow myself to think that far ahead, one day at a time right?