About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

finding my joy

I had an appointment with my shrink Dr. A yesterday and she was so proud of me and my progress. I do feel better. A month ago I felt like a puddle on the floor. I am really feeling like myself again and starting to enjoy life. I feel centered and empowered. I truly feel like God is with me again.

On the other hand I feel like my DH is spiraling out of control. In fact that is what Dr. A said. "Your husband is out of control". What do you do when your psychiatrist tells you that? I know that it's true, but disconcerting to hear someone else say it. He is very depressed, but expressing that through anger. Dr. A told me I should call our family doctor, Dr. K and tell him what's been going on, b/c I know my DH will not. I made an appointment for him for later this month to have his blood pressure and cholesterol tested. He was borderline last year and I am afraid it has not improved. This seems a little backhanded and sneaky telling the doctor stuff without telling my husband about it. I don't know what to do.

He used to be so much fun. We used to have fun. We haven't had fun in a long time. I will not let infertility ruin my marriage. But I cannot live with him if he won't try to feel better. I know about depression, I live with depression. Sometimes you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, sometimes it take outside intervention either through medication or therapy or both. Obviously I am not saying or doing the right things to make him feel better.