About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

now I'm just eating hush puppies

nom nom nom..... suck it WW!

Internetz we kinda sorta have a plan.... We will wait to get back on the TTC coaster until after our vacation the OBX in May. The idea of trying to schedule treatments and being at the scary 8-9 week stage on vacation is not appealing. I want to be able to enjoy this trip.

The blood tests showed that I am heterozygous for MTHFR, PA1, Factor viii. Dr. C. said this means my body is not absorbing folic acid like it should, so now I am on a Rx folic acid 1mg/day. She said right now no lovenox, but that may change based on blood tests when I get pg again. My ANA's were negative again so that is good. The only other thing wrong is elevated NK cell activity.

The other interesting thing my primary care Dr. K told me with results from my last round of blood tests is that I am deficient in oleic acid, zinc and all antioxidants. Dr. K seems to think I am running on fumes and my body would not be able to fight off a major infection. My immune system is bunk.

WTF? He is puzzled by this b/c I do eat well and I exercise regularly. What is the deal with my body not absorbing vitamins? So now I am on a bunch of supplements
Co Q 10, chromium, zinc, selenium, Vit. D, plus my pre-natal and the prescription Folic Acid. I had to buy an old lady pill holder just to keep up with it all. Plus he wants me to eat a piece of citrus everyday.

Where was I? oh yeah the plan.. The plan is a medicated timed intercourse cycle end of May beginning of June. As soon as I have a positive beta, I am to have either an IVIG or intralipid infusion. Weekly u/s monitoring, Weekly testing of NK, and ANA during first trimester with bi-weekly phone consults with Dr. C. Infusions every 4 weeks. Minimum of 2 Maximum of 4. If insurance doesn't cover anything but the u/s monitoring we are looking at around $12,000.00. Eeeks....

Right now I know insurance will not cover the phone consults. I am still waiting to see what coverage they will give on the blood testing. Because the lab is out-of-network my deductible is double what it is for in-network. Out of pocket the blood tests are $410. Eight-12 weeks of that adds up quick. The phone consults are $250 each time. IVIG is somewhere between $1500 and $3000/infusion. I haven't gotten a clear answer yet but there is a tiny possibility for some insurance coverage. Intralipids are $600/infusion with no insurance at all. I have to fly to Chicago for intralipids. IVIG can be done 3 hours away.

The only thing that is bugging me today is that if we do this next month instead I might get more insurance coverage b/c I have already met my deductible for this plan year and I am half way there on my co-insurance. So it may make more sense not to wait. Our plan year starts over July 1 with increases in our deductibles. So there is that.

In other news I have lost another 4lbs so 12lbs in all, my skinny pants are starting to fit again. My goal is to lose another 7lbs, and I will be back to my pre IF weight. I signed up to run another half marathon in April. I going to try the Galloway walk/run method and see if I can't run a much faster time w/o pooping at some strangers house.

Oh and my birthday is in two weeks so I will officially be of advanced maternal age, great...

Friday, February 19, 2010

eating my words

Remember how I said I was getting used to the idea that maybe we wouldn't have kids....

Well I know my co-worker is pregnant again...she has not told me but my pg radar is going off like crazy and I expect an announcement any day now. And how do I feel about this?

Sad...angry...woe... Why not me? how come the rest of the world has such an easy time with this and I have death and destruction? crying in my office feeling like a failure at everything I do. Wanting to be a better person than this, wanting to be stronger.

I just had my year end evaluation (in Feb. I know) for work and I was told I need to work harder at my attitude and relationships with my co-workers. I need to "be sweet" but in the same sentence I was told I do an excellent job. I'm sorry I can't be pollyana sunshine every fucking day when it feel like the world is against me.

Fuck I need to pull myself together and get over myself.... Sorry for the rant but I guess that is what this blog is for.

ps.. I could really use a xanax right now anxiety is not my friend