About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Beta # 2

After calling my RE office 4 times, I found out the hospital didn't fax my results over, So one quick call to the lab and the results are in

Beta #2: 631 at 18 dpo

Today I go to my MFM to learn how to give myself the lovenox injections. I have an appointment for my first ultrasound July 13.

It has almost been a full year since my last miscarriage. I thought I would be better prepared this go around, not so much.. I have sudden surges of anxiety where I feel like I might burst into tears and then it passes. I hate this waiting to find out if it's viable or not. I cannot bear to see another empty sac, and then if there is a heartbeat, there is a whole other set of fears. Sometimes I wish I could be knocked out and hooked up to an IV for the next 3 weeks. I'm a little scared of the lovenox injections. Just the needles and bruising. I tried to watch a video on how to do it and I almost threw up.

Friday, June 26, 2009

beta #1

I had my blood test yesterday and this morning I called to find out the results. First the nurse told me it was negative. I said, really because I took another home test this morning and it was positive. In fact it was more positive than the test I took yesterday. I said I know I sound crazy but I have taken like six tests and they were all positive. The nurse said you're not crazy everybody takes lots of tests. Let me have the dr. look at this and I will call you back. Just as I hung up she called again and said sorry for the scare it is positive. Sheesh....

Beta #1: 111.4

Beta #2 will be taken on Monday morning. Thank goodness my pack on internet tests that I ordered last week arrived today, so I can POAS with reckless abandon all weekend long... just kidding sortof.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

need advice

Apparently it was just spotting, because no more blood since yesterday afternoon. I tested again this morning and it was positive darker than yesterday but still not a bright pink line. The tests I used up yesterday were Internet tests and this morning I used a FREP test. Does that make a difference? I broke down and called the RE office this morning and left a message. Should I request the blood test, or just wait and few more days and test again? If this is a chemical pregnancy how long till I get a negative test? Should I keep taking the progesterone just in case and if I do will that just prolong AF? For the first time in a long time I felt that old anxiety on the way to work. I didn't run this morning, and I think my body has been using running as a surrogate antidepressant without me realizing it.

Trying hard not to get worked up about this, what will be will be...

addendum: first positive on 12dpo, second 13 dpo, today is 14dpo with positive FREP

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


So yesterday I peed on a stick and there was a very very faint positive. So I decided I would wait and POAS again this morning to see if it got any darker. It was a little darker but still faint. I argued with myself about whether to call the RE and ask for a blood test. I decided I would wait one more day, but it doesn't matter because it appears I am bleeding now anyway. Shit. I guess I will wait and see if it's just spotting. Hard to say right now. I used my last pee stick this morning too. poo..
ps my boobs are sweating..... nice...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

troubled ovulation

It's cd 19 and my clear blue fertility monitor is telling me I'm on my 5th day of high fertility. This cycle was unmedicated and I can see my body is bound and determined not to ovulate until late in my cycle. Why is that? After all of this you would think I would understand my body better, but instead it remains a mystery.