Remember how I said I was getting used to the idea that maybe we wouldn't have kids....
Well I know my co-worker is pregnant again...she has not told me but my pg radar is going off like crazy and I expect an announcement any day now. And how do I feel about this?
Sad...angry...woe... Why not me? how come the rest of the world has such an easy time with this and I have death and destruction? crying in my office feeling like a failure at everything I do. Wanting to be a better person than this, wanting to be stronger.
I just had my year end evaluation (in Feb. I know) for work and I was told I need to work harder at my attitude and relationships with my co-workers. I need to "be sweet" but in the same sentence I was told I do an excellent job. I'm sorry I can't be pollyana sunshine every fucking day when it feel like the world is against me.
Fuck I need to pull myself together and get over myself.... Sorry for the rant but I guess that is what this blog is for.
ps.. I could really use a xanax right now anxiety is not my friend