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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Monday, April 14, 2008

seven days and counting

I figure I must be about 21 days past conception right now. My u/s is next week. Last week I was extremely busy at work and time flew by, this week is not quite as busy, and the weekend gave me time to dwell on what might happen. I try hard not to think about what if we don't see a heartbeat next week. I am terrified. Also what if we do see a heartbeat? We saw one my last pregnancy and then I lost it three days later. I want to be positive and will this pregnancy to last, but doubt begins to creep in. I have googled 21 days past conception just to see where my body and the baby should be. I don't get a lot of clear information. My boobs are tender, and I am more tired than usual. The other thing is I have leg cramps at night. What is that about? No puking yet. I am having trouble focusing on anything b/c I am thinking about the baby. I hate this, feeling of helplessness. There is nothing I can do now. I am hoping five is our number. This is our fifth pregnancy and next month will be our 5th anniversary. That's a good sign right? I pulled out the book "Coming to Term" last night and re-read the section on uterine anomalies. It did not give me reassurance. I have almost a whole shelf of books on miscarriage and infertility now. When will I get to have books about pregnancy and babies? I have to stop thinking this way. Pull yourself together girl.


admin said...

Oh gosh, the damn wait, the damn fear. I'm with you! And I'm thinking about you leading up to the U/S and hoping all goes well.

Let's get these new ute's in order.

Mel said...

helplessnes is the VERY best word to describe this time for you... hoping the best for you right now.

Meg said...

Thinking of you....and hoping this week flies by!

have a dresser in our 'nursery' and it has one drawer filled with fertility and miscarriage books. I know what you mean about wondering when the prego set of books can come over to play.

Coming to Term is a great book but a little scary, especially if you are pregnant...which you are right now! Good luck at your u/s.