the rabbit died

My cat is a cold blooded killer and my dog is his accomplice. Let me preface this by telling you that I live in the middle of 106 acres and my closest neighbor is a 1/2 mile away. We live on a gravel road y'all. So wildlife is in abundance on the farm. We have a shit load of rabbits on our property along with snakes,coyote, moles, voles, deer, fox, turkey and all sorts of birds especially annoying whippoorwill's. But that is another story.

So this morning I got up early to POAS and decided to go for a short run. I have been running pretty regularly since my D&C. It helps clear my head, and I go slow, so I don't think it hurts. Anyway the dog and I take off and the cat trotted down the driveway to see us off.

I had a good run, with new tunes on my i.po.d. As I make the turn up my driveway I see my cat with a small rabbit in his mouth. I yell at him to drop it, and my dog promptly swipes the rabbit out of the cat's mouth. The rabbit is still alive dude. The dog drops it, and it runs, but it's injured so it can't go fast enough. My dog thinks this is game and catches it and throws it up in the air. I am yelling drop it, drop it!! He of course looks at me like I am crazy. The cat looks miffed that the dog stole his rabbit. Now the rabbit is dead and next to my husband's truck. I am pissed b/c I have to deal with this right now, or it will be an ordeal with the carcass.

So I stomp inside and get the animals their animal food, of which they prefer over dead rabbits. Then I have to go down and shovel this poor bunny into a bag and put him in the garbage to take to the dump. All this before 7AM sheesh. I do not condone my cat killing rabbits, but my feeling is that if my lazy kitty can catch a bunny, we have way way too many rabbits. He is not the most agile hunter. So if the bunny can't escape my cat then there is no way he will make against all the other predators on our land.

The stick was darker this time than yesterday, I hope that means my numbers are going up.

world's most fertile infertile

So I went to my OB/Gyn this morning for my follow up appt. from my D&C. It's been six weeks since my surgery and still no AF. So I go in and of course I have pee in a cup. I don't think much about this b/c I POAS on May 31 and BFN so I KNOW I am not pg. Well I get in the stirrups and my lovely Dr. F comes in:

Dr. F: have you been having sex?

me: well yea.

Dr. F: well you came up with a slight BFP.

me: WHAT????? How can this be?

Dr. F: well you had sex.

me: I know that but geez I must be the most fertile person in the world

Dr. F: We will take a beta now and come back Monday and we will do another and see if you levels are doubling. If they are then you are pg, if not it might be residual from the D&C

me: what do we do if they are?

Dr. F: What do you mean what do we do?

me: I don't know, should I start taking progesterone?

Dr. F: no, just wait until Monday, and keep that man away from you fertile myrtle.

HOLY FUCK!!! I had not anticipated this. I have been drinking and taking xanax. My mind is reeling. I cannot go through another m/c again. I've already stocked up on tests so I can POAS all weekend long.

trying to make a plan

So today on my half hour commute to work, I was thinking about what do I want to do about this baby thing. I had a really good tearful conversation with my dear friend JD yesterday. She said to me sometimes you just need to waller in it. The sadness the grief. Although I feel I have been sad for three years, I have not allowed myself to waller. (this is our country term for wallow). I always feel I have to pick myself up and carry on, be strong. I am tired of being strong. I want to be a puddle on the floor.

So on the way to work I thought about this. What if we take the next three months off of TTC. I go back to acupuncture. I really felt that acupuncture and TCM helped me. I carried the longest I ever have, and we saw a heartbeat. Now that the evil septum is gone, maybe acupuncture and TCM can help me even more. I felt good and relaxed when I was going to acupuncture too.

I have a Dr. appt. with my OB next week, and she should have the pathology report back. I will listen to her advice about what she thinks I should do. Then the following week I have an appt. with my shrink. I will listen to what she thinks I should do. Finally on the 26th I have an appt. with my RE at that point I think I will be able to make a good plan with him. My thoughts are in September to do injectibles and possibly an IUI. Although we have no problem conceiving naturally, I wonder if something is off in our timing and maybe that causes the m/c.

At any rate this would give me three months to take care of myself, maybe lose some of this weight I have put on, and possibly enjoy the summer. Of course I have to discuss this with my DH, but this would also allow him to take some trips and make extra money, which we will need if we do an IUI.

Does anyone out there in blog land have a success story with recurrent miscarriage and then trying injectibles with an IUI?

The more I think about this the more I like the sound of this plan. Now watch my OB will be like "you have to get pg right now or there is no hope for you!" surely she won't say that.