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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Patience

Oh my hell people! I am going to go bat shit crazy on my MIL any minute now. How one person can annoy the everlovin' crap out of me I do not know. Right now she is tearing my living room apart while she "cleans". I do not claim to be the best housekeeper in the world, not to mention I have been on fucking bedrest for 9 weeks now. I do not need a running commentary on how dirty my house is. I appreciate the cleaning but I could do without the judging.

I need a boatload of patience ASAP.

In other bed rest news. The nursery is no where near ready. What we have is a spare bedroom with piles of baby stuff laying all over the place. It will get done when it get's done.

My cervix is holding stable at 1.1cm. Hooray! Dr. T is very pleased that we are making our way into the 30's. Faith is presenting vertex, or head down. She continues to look strong every week. I am shocked that it's finally the third trimester. Now we just have to make it past 32 weeks.

Here's something I need to say and I hate myself for feeling this way. Particularly because I have fought so hard to be and stay pregnant and I always wanted to punch people who bitch about being pregnant....but I do not enjoy being pregnant....

I know, I should be flogged. I won't list my complaints but I do not have a glow, and this has not been some of the best months of my life.

I am really looking forward to having Faith on the outside and getting my body back to myself, but I am more than willing to wait 6-8 more weeks. I feel like I am running a marathon and I'm at the 20mile mark. Holy shit I've run 20 miles and I feel like ass. Fuck there is 6.2 more miles to go. Hopefully the fuck yeah this is awesome feeling I had with 2 miles left to go will come to me in a few weeks. Then when it's over I will say I totally want to do another one. Until then I feel like I will be slogging out these last few miles.

7 comments:

Sue said...

Pregnancy is totally over rated. They need to find a way to grow babies in jars that can be conveniently opened at 40 weeks. That said, I hope you stay pregnant for a good long while, and that somehow your MIL becomes less annoying during that time. Good luck with that!

Good Timing said...

I don't blame you for not enjoying pregnancy at all. You have had a VERY rough go of things from the get go and being on bed rest now for the last few months has certainly not helped. Just because we wanted something so badly for so long, doesn't mean it will be easy or enjoyable when we get what we so desperately longed for. I know you'll feel different when little Faith is here! Keep hanging in there my friend! :)

Emily said...

Pssst, i dont enjoy being pregant either. Mostly because ive been so afraid. That and i was so sick at the start. Eye on the prize! We are both getting there. Clever Faith for being head down. Titus still with his head wedged under my sternum.
I suggest an ipod to tune out MIL. How obnoxious.

JJ said...

No flogging from me - it was tough - and its a beautiful thing, but I know you know that - but it doesnt make it easier. Loads of hugs from me - and a side of patience - MIL's can be tough to handle! xoxo

lparsons15 said...

Ugh..sorry about your MIL, sounds like a nightmare...SO happy your cervix is holding steady..that is fantastic! I can't say I blame you for not enjoying your pregnancy, its not exactly like you have had an easy go..Take it easy!

Mrs. Lemon said...

I know how hard it is to be grateful for the "help" but eyes on the prize. You are doing great. I am at 18 weeks bedrest myself with two to go and I never thought I would make it. Hang in there, you can do it!

Panamahat said...

That MIL sounds like she would test anyone's patience. It is awful to just have to suck it up because you have no choice. Help that comes at a huge price. As for pregnancy, I can understand completely why you might not be enjoying it. And you don't have to enjoy it. It has been a long hard road with a stressful gestational period attached to the very end and just because you now have a baby finally in sight does not necessarily mean you have to love the journey. Being grateful for a baby is enough. Don't beat yourself up. x