I finally started to bleed and cramp today. My beta dropped yesterday, and with this recent development I am hoping they will continue to drop when I go back to the doctor Wednesday.
This pregnancy has left me reeling and my BFF revealed today that she is expecting again in January. The question that keeps getting asked is will you keep trying? The answer is complicated and truly I just don't know. DH and I have hit a rough patch and need to navigate this mine field. I'm tired of needles, and tired of doctors, tired of waiting, tired of putting my life on hold, tired of being tired. I know I have said these things before, but everything seems pretty pointless and hopeless right now.
Will having a child erase all these feelings? I don't think it will, and it makes me question why are we doing this in the first place. Is this the me I really want to be? Do I like who I have become? Who is this man I am married to, who cannot bear to around children b/c the pain is too great?
Where is the joy in my life? Where is the fun we used to have? If we choose to get off this track will our families support us? Will I be pushing my will on DH? Having a baby will not solve all these problems, nor make our lives less complicated. I really question whether the end justifies the means.