About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Monday, April 6, 2009

Lather Rinse Repeat

So here we are again, ovulation week, hot sex all week long right.... RPL certainly fucks with your sex life. Because sex=baby=death and destruction by the shithead ute. You try to push those sad memories away and remember a time when sex was sex or even making love.

I'm carrying a OPK stick in my purse, b/c I have to work late and the directions say to test at the same time each day. I'm not sure why I continue to waste money on these bitches, but I do.

Dr. P my RE said repeat last cycle with Femara days 3-7 and Prometrium 3dpo. So off we go. Today is cd 11.

Lately I have thought more and more about what life would be like if we don't have kids. Like I could train for the marathon at the Outer Banks, and we could spend money on traveling and landscaping. I spend a lot of time thinking about the future instead of living the life in front of me. I meant to stop doing that. I think what I want to do is plan with reckless abandon, instead of thinking well I might pregnant so that wouldn't work.

I decided not to visit my brother and his new baby this weekend. I'm not emotionally ready and I should be ovulating. My brother seemed to understand, but I haven't told my mom yet.

1 comment:

Grad3 said...

I know what it's like to be stuck in the "what if's"... ~Sending hugs and support~