About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Monday, March 10, 2008

Dear Body

Dear Body- Hmmm.... where do I start? I know I have not been the best of partners through the years. In high school I did not feed you well enough due to my need to be thin. In college I abused you more by binge drinking and other things. In the last decade I have really tried to do better. I have pushed you beyond my expectations by running and training for two marathons and finishing one. I really thought having a baby would be easy comparitively. But body you have let me down a few too many times. Four times in the last 2 years to be exact. I struggle to understand why you can't just do what I want you to do. I know, I have control issues. I am working on letting things happen, even if they aren't according to plans. I also know you are tired. Tired of all the needles, the blood draws, the emotional upheaval. The surgery in Nov. hopefully put an end to this drama. And to top off our regular dose of Zoloft we have added Clomid this cycle. The side effects have not been so bad, but I begin to wonder will I ever have the body I once had. Probably not. We are forever changed by the four miscarriages, the hormone surges and all things attached. So my dear body, as we celebrate our 33rd year together tomorrow, I want to start fresh. I want to listen more carefully to your needs and make sure I give you the rest and nourishment you need, so that you can hopefully nourish our baby. I'm sorry I have been so angry with you. We are a team and I respect you. Let's make this the best year yet.

1 comment:

Meg said...

This was such a thoughtful and compassionate letter to your body. You have the commitment to it that I have tried to find for myself.

Happy belated birthday!