Monday, February 25, 2008
So yesterday I went to a local hospital to meet with a support group for women who have had miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant loss. This group was to be organized by the hospital's women's resource center. Well I was the only one who came aside from the woman who organized it. We had a nice chat and she apologized that no one else came even though six other women told her they were coming. So she asked me some questions that I found interesting and got me to thinking. She asked me what had been helpful during my losses and what had not. I don't think you every truly recover from a loss. In my case I felt very bonded to each of my babies and I think of them that way. Their due dates are etched in my brain. Still I believe that a stillbirth or infant loss would be infinitely harder to endure. In addition to mourning my losses, I mourn the loss of excitement and joy one has when seeing that BFP. That feeling is forever gone for me, replaced by fear and trepidation. So what was helpful to me? I know more than anything the Internet helped me. Knowing there were other people out there experiencing the same thing made me feel less alone. Maybe this is a virtual support group. When everyone around you appears to pop out babies with no problems, it's very depressing. After reading so many stories some positive, some not it gave me strength to keep going and not give up hope. My family has been extremely supportive, my in-laws not so much. Of course people said dumb things like it was "God's way" or it wasn't meant to be. But some people said things like "I'm sorry". You know that was enough. I never expected anyone to have magic words to make me feel better. Just knowing that someone cared was good enough. Being able to talk with my husband was good too. It wasn't until after the 3rd loss that I realized how much he was hurting too. I thought he didn't care, but he was holding it in and expressing in a much different way. My hope is that I can share my battle wounds of IF and maybe give someone else the courage or hope to keep trying or at least know they are not alone.