What I want is what I've not got, when what I need is all around me

I'm feeling blue, like I've lost my mojo at work. I need some inspiration to get fired up again.

It's deer season again, which means early mornings and the smell of gunfire.. yeehaw! This time of year, my neighborhood is filled with pickemup trucks, gun racks and 4-wheelers. My dog goes to live with my parents in the city so he doesn't get accidentally shot, or worse purposely shot. My DH hunts, but he is a conscientious hunter in that he hunts for meat not necessarily horns. Although he does dream of mounting a huge 12point head in my living room someday. I truly hope that day never comes. I had to set a limit of the number of horns allowed in one room. As a former vegetarian and a person who really doesn't like guns, I guess it is ironic that I married this hunter gun fanatic. Somehow we make it work, and I really enjoy not having to buy beef.

So here's to deer season, and a freezer full of venison.

onion breath

I have onion breath, from my lunch blech.....

I have positive anti-nuclear antibodies.... What does that mean? Apparently not a lot so far. Only one of my follow up tests Dr. P ordered from that have returned and it is normal. Dr. Google tells me I might have lupus (SLE), but I have no symptoms but the ANA, so anyways....

I did not get the job I interviewed for in May. I didn't realize how unsure I was about really wanting that job until they announced my co-worker was selected. It was a huge relief and weight off my shoulders. Although I would love the extra moolah, the stress and dealing with certain personnel issues are not what I need right now. So this is a good thing and there will be other opportunities soon.

We had the immune testing done this week and blood shipped off to Chicago. So we should have results sometime in the next two weeks. I hope they tell us something.

I've been running more lately, and I signed up for several races over the next couple months. The plan is to start TTC or something in Jan if we have a plan of action by then. So for now, I'm enjoying my wine and running the calories off each day. I love fall in the Piedmont it's so pretty, I've been meaning to take some pics and post them. I'll try to do that next week. Happy Halloween, and daylight savings time

The Return of AF and other Uterine Adventures

AF finally made her appearance on CD50. The day after we returned from Portland so at least my vacation/work conference was period free, but full of pregnancy worry.

Yesterday I had a saline sonogram. A resident did my scan, and lucky me it was the same kid who did my u/s to confirm my last pregnancy. So when he walked in he's all smiles, I think I've scanned you before. Yup that would be my last miscarriage... oh well have you had a saline sono before? Yes twice, I know what to expect.

The initial scan of my ovaries was painful, The kid was really pushing the dildo cam up there. Then came the catheter, YEEOWCH!, the kid asks are you ok? WTF? no I'm not ok, but do your g.d. job and get out of my hooha ok.

The scan showed a possible polyp or piece of endometrium flapping around. (Seriously that's what the kid said.). Then they took six vials of blood for a more cardiolipin testing, to see if things have changed.

My plan is to see what Dr. P says about the scan and the blood tests and then decide about doing the immune testing. Right now I'm 95% sure I will do the immune testing. The thing is the tests will cost about $1000 up front, insurance coverage is really questionable. My dh and I have not talked about him having a semen analysis yet. I told him about it after my phone consult with SIRM, and he said ok, but we haven't discussed the whole plan yet. But ultimately I think the immune testing will give me some sort direction as to what if anything we do next. Here is the the other thing, I'm kind of nervous to tell Dr. P about talking with SIRM. I'm afraid he'll get mad or something. I know that is stupid, but I like Dr. P and even if I get treated by SIRM I might still need him as an RE. I know this is silly, but I feel like I've been cheating on him somehow. I just want Dr. P to stay on my side even though I may seek treatment or tests for something he doesn't see as valid. Anyway I plan to talk to him about it when we go over the test results.