October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remeberence Day

I am the face of first trimester pregnancy loss. Six years ago on October 17th I suffered my first miscarriage at 10weeks. I was naive and innocent to believe all pregnancies ended in a take home baby. I was at an overnight work conference in the mountains when I started bleeding. I didn't know what to do. I was 3 hours away from my doctor. I went back into the conference and the look on my face told my colleague something was wrong. I had confided in her about our pregnancy but no one else. She quickly helped me gather our stuff and drove the 3 hours back to my town.

Along the way I called my OB and they really poo pooed my concerns, because I wasn't bleeding through a pad an hour. I begged them to see me and eventually they said if I could get there by 4:30 they would see me. I hauled ass across NC to get there. I really don't know how I held it together but somehow I did. When I got to the dr. she did a physical exam and then sent me over to the hospital for an u/s. I chose this OB b/c she had been my Gyno and had recently opened her own practice. No u/s machines and she was the only doctor. All red flags now, but I didn't know. At the hospital is where the anxiety really kicked in. They brought me up to the sonography waiting room before my husband could get there. I was really starting to freak out. Finally they did the ultrasound first they tried external which was stupid b/c I was only 10 weeks along, and then they brought out the transvaginal. I had no idea that this type of u/s would soon become a regular part of my life. The screen showed nothing. As ignorant as I was at that time, even I knew that was not good. Of course the technician wouldn't tell me anything but the look on her face said it all. They sent me home and said the doctor would call me later. Finally around 9pm that night she called to tell me I had had a miscarriage and not to worry because these things happen and I would have a baby soon. Two days later the real cramping and bleeding began and I passed the rest of the tissue.

Fast forward to present day and I have had six more miscarriages all between 8 and 10weeks and one ectopic pregnancies. I have been to four different OB/Gyn practices and five different RE practices. Three of my seven miscarriages were karyotyped and were found to be two girls and one boy. This is my ninth pregnancy and at 33weeks I am still scared, but more hopeful than ever that this baby girl Faith Elizabeth will come home with me. My seven angel babies are always with me in my heart. Tonight I will light a candle in memory of my children and yours.