About Me

My photo
North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Monday, November 15, 2010

back to our regular programming

I am breaking from the NaBloPoMo to get this off my chest.

On Thursday DH, the dog and me drove down to my parents home for a veterans day celebration. We bought my dad a brick on a new veterans memorial in the their town and the dedication was that day. The ceremony was beautiful and the brick was lovely. Very well done. In addition we brought my dog to stay with my parents during rifle season for deer. My dog runs loose and we have lots of hunters for the 6 week season each year. It's safer for my dog plus my parents adore my dog and treat him like a king when he stays with them. We had a lovely visit. But there was this...

Let me preface by saying my parents live in a little town, and are involved in various things so they know lots of people. At the dedication we kept running into people my mom knew from her work or wherever and she would introduce us. One lady said Oh are you the one with the little baby? I said no that is my SIL. And my mom chirps up she's the one with the dog. Now I know my mom meant well, but it was as if she said no she's the one that's infertile.

I feel like I am a "less than" person because I do not have children. Later we were talking about a co-worker of my mother's whose husband has cancer. She was telling us how they used to travel and ski in Europe all the time before the cancer. My husband asked "Wow what did he do?, he must have made lots of money." My mom said well they never had kids so you know.
Because if you don't have children you can jet set around the world. I was angry and hurt. Why do people refer to people w/o kids that way? We don't know that they didn't want children but couldn't have them.

But then I realized I think this about myself. I think of myself as a "less than" person because we can't/don't have children.

Until I stop thinking of myself this way how can I influence others to stop. So maybe the bigger question is WHY do I feel this way? What do I need to do to reprogram my brain to start valuing myself regardless of my status as a mother?

4 comments:

Illanare said...

This post breaks my heart because I think this myself so often - that I am less of a person because I don't (and won't ever) have children. I wish I had wise words about how to change our thinking, but I don't. I my head I know that I am still valued and valuable but in my heart - not so much.
Thinking of you.

Panamahat said...

Yes. I know exactly what you mean.

JJ said...

Im so sorry....grappling with that emotional turmoil of another persons comment is just plain hard.

Sending you lots of big hugs!

Enough happiness said...

I am just stopping by. I found your blog from wifey. I am in the RPL boat too.