About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Still in Hell

This is worse than a miscarriage I think. I hate being in limbo. My beta today was 126. This is obviously not a viable pregnancy. It is not obvious if it is ectopic yet. My vein rolled this morning and that hurts like a mother fucker. I hate the ob/gyn office full of glowing preggo women, and then there is me with my scarlet letter screaming INFERTILE or worse "habitual aborter" to scare the others. I fall apart and have panic attacks each time I am there. I'm waiting for Dr. T to call me back and tell me if I can stop the lovenox, and progesterone. I want to know how many beta's does it take for them to decide if I need the methotrexate shot. I don't know how much more my veins can take.

5 comments:

Misfits said...

Shit. I am sorry. They need a special entrance a dr's offices like the do for vets with cat and dog entrances. Fertile or infertile waiting rooms. How's the pain levels? Your doctor ought to be calling back quick enough. Make sure the do blood over the weekend. Avoid the younger lab folks at the hospital. Unfortunately, with s holiday weekend, it's all B-team, staff-wise.

Suzie Homemaker said...

I am so so sorry. I can only imagine the hell you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this terrible time!

Stacey said...

Still thinking of you. This truly sucks and I am so sorry it's happening to you. I agree with Misfits, they should have separate waiting rooms at those places FOR SURE. Sending hugs and prayers and wishing I could do more than that.

Panamahat said...

Argh, so god-awful. My last ectopic dragged on longer than my first, and they could never see anything on ultrasound, so after 2 weeks they just did a lap to remove it, but it was still so small the surgeon couldn't even see it, so they sewed me back up and gave me methotrexate. It took four months for my hcg levels to return to zero. I hated every minute of it. Sorry to tell you such a depressing story and I hope you don't follow the same path. xx

Illanare said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs.