My vacation to the outer banks was nice, except for the crazy wind that blasted us the last two days. It was a nice escape. When we got home all the sad and anger was still there.
My DH went with me for the first time to see my therapist. I am so afraid this infertility will push our marriage over the edge. Our session was ok.... I am not sure it was helpful, but at least he went, and that is a huge step in itself. I know my depression is back in full force, and so my medication dose has been upped. I started feeling better on Sunday.
Yesterday I saw a colleague of mine who had two m/c last year, now she is 6 months pg. It was so hard to watch her with her belly and not be jealous. The unfairness of this is sometimes the hardest thing. I hate myself for being jealous, and for not being able to speak to her. Thankfully we were at a big meeting and I was sitting on the other side of the room. I still feel like an ass for not being able to talk to her.
My work is super busy this week which keeps me distracted, but distracted enough to stop reading all the blogs out there. I really don't know what I will do this next cycle. I am ovulating now, and part of me says screw it, let's just see what happens. The other part says you need to give your body a break dude.
My therapist says The biggest thing is that you know you can get pregnant. Well shit on that. It doesn't mean anything if you can't carry.
Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my first baby's EDD. May 22nd is the feast day of St. Rita of Cascia "the patron Saint of the impossible".