About Me

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North Carolina, United States
I'm a 36yr old, wife, wannabe mom, horticulturalist, halfass knitter, and sometimes runner, searching for my grace

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

6 weeks

I had my six week check on Monday. I think Dr. T was shocked when I said I wanted no needed birth control. He assumed we would be like most infertiles and not worry about birth control. I need a break. I don't want to think or worry about my fertility for a while. I have spent six years temping, OPK testing, and worrying that I am pregnant and then dealing with miscarriage or stressing about a potential miscarriage. Emotionally and physically I don't want pregnancy to be in the picture. I want to enjoy Faith and take time to decide if we really want a second child or not.

So I'm on the mini pill. Dr. T says it will not affect my milk supply. I asked about IUD but he said it was expensive and if I wanted a second child sooner than 5 years that the pill would be a better choice. I'm ok with that. I don't have a problem taking a pill everyday.

I'm still dealing with anxiety and depression but I'm making a concerted effort to take care of myself everyday. I know sleep plays a role in all of this as well. I'm still navigating my relationship with my MIL and how she relates with my daughter. I disagree with her on many levels and I've had to assert myself with her and let her know Faith is my daughter not hers. She pushes every single button I have and I have to remind myself that this is her only grandchild and she is 75yrs old. Patience is the word of the day.

I go back to work in 6 weeks and I am worried how I will make all this work. I've talked with dh about him taking a more active role in care taking. He always hands her off if she is crying with the "she's hungry" excuse. Most often she is not. I need to be stronger at making him be the caretaker. I think I will need to just hand him the baby and leave the house for a few hours. I know he can do it, it's just easier for him to let me do it. This all comes back to me taking care of me. Months of bed rest and now being a new mother has left my sense of self behind. I need to get me back in order to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter in law, friend and professional. All easier said than done.

Balance has always been a struggle, and a baby makes it that much harder.


Sue said...

Balance is hard for everyone, but you'll find your way. Must post photos of Faith!

Good Timing said...

Balance is always hard to achieve! But I know you will get there, it just takes time. Thinking of you!

Stacey said...

A good friend of mine came to visit me in the early weeks after my daughter was born, and she was the first person who said (with tears in her eyes), "It's hard, isn't it? It gets better." It was just what I needed to hear at that very moment.

I hope the pieces fall into place soon, and especially that you'll keep taking care of yourself in the process.

Would love to see more pics!

Emily said...

oh thats funny, before I read your post I had just written about my conversation with the OB about birth control. I opted out of an IUD or the pill. barrier if anything. weird to think I could need it.

Please take care of yourself. Im sorry your MIL is annoying. dont ever let her make you doubt your parenting.

I want to see some new pictures of Faith as well!

Panamahat said...

You sound like you are doing ok under the circumstances, and exceptionally patient with MIL. Thanks for posting pics of Faith, she is gorgeous!!

Helene said...

Congrats on your wonderful little bundle of joy.
Oh the mothers in law...They seem to be a pain more often than not...
As for getting your husband to take responsibility as well, it's probably best to just leave the house like you said. My little one is 8 months old now and we're still struggling with this here. Before our little one got sick "hungry" was my fiance's first guess even if little peeper had just nursed. Now of course with our miracle going through chemo there are other reasons...