HSG report

Had my HSG yesterday it doesn't get better the second time around. Seriously it hurt like a mother fucker. I broke out in a cold sweat and I thought I might faint. I took the ibuprofen and half a valium but still bad. So here's what we saw, my left tube is SUPER achiever and spilled with great velocity. Righty is probably fine, but it was hard to tell b/c lefty was all "in yo face I can spill better than you bee-otch!" So what the hell does that mean? I think my tubes are clear. Apparently if there is anything else to say the Doctor is going to call me. So so so glad that is over.

I'm getting a massage today. I cannot wait for 5:30 to get here. Also I can't stop eating, I think I have a tape worm. My diet is going straight to hell. Speaking of diets I'm thinking of seeing a nutritionist. My internet RPL friends have been writing some interesting things about dairy, wheat and gluten. I say this as I shove buffalo wing pretzel pieces down my throat, and dream about my glass of wine this evening. But seriously if we are going to TTC again I want to give it everything I have. So I'm thinking about meeting with a holistic nutritionist and doing acupuncture. Let's spend more money YAY!

So there's the synopsis, Left Tube rocks, right tube might be kind of slow, septum is still gone, I'm feeding my tape worm junk food, and thinking seeing a nutritionist.

The return of AF

So AF finally came on cd 35. I'm not sure when or if I ovulated because my clear blue easy fertility monitor showed 10 straight days of high fertility and then went to low. No peak day to be found. So I really wasn't sure what to expect this cycle.

I started charting again. I have taken my BBT in almost two years, since m/c #5. Even though I have the fertility monitor I thought I might do this too. Really just to get more in touch with my cycle all together. Does this mean we are going to try again? I still don't have an answer for that. I am leaning that way, but waiting to see what my upcoming HSG shows us.

My thoughts on this are that, we have yet to get pregnant and try the immune therapy. So in order for me to feel I have truly given it my best shot, we need to try this as well. However I am not sure my heart is in it and that is why I waffle. Right now I feel good about where my therapy is taking me, and working on repairing my marriage. The added stress of TTC and getting pregnant is so unappealing right now, but tik tok tik tok.... blah.

In the meantime I think I have alienated a dear friend. She is 5 mos. pg w/#2 and when I tried to explain to her that I have to wrap my head around the fact I might not ever be a mother to a living child, she accused me of giving up. I told her I wasn't giving up I was being real. That childlessness is a reality for me and that makes it hard to relate with my peers. She is a member of a club I can't get in. In hindsight it sounds so mean, but I was just trying to get her to hear how I was feeling. I haven't spoken to her since then and I know I need to call.

We've scheduled a fall beach trip to the island in October and I can't wait. I'm running a 10k next month and training for that. We've joined a local church and I really like it. So things are looking up. I'm feeling lots better. If weather would just turn a little cooler and it would be bliss for the time being.