Scan 3

I think I might actually have a real live baby. Today I measured 8 weeks 4 days, and it actually looked like something other than a blob. It had a head and arm buds and leg buds, and it actually wiggled around. It was amazing. The first u/s where I didn't cry. The heart rate was 188bpm.

I'm starting to believe this might actually happen...

second scan

Today was my second u/s. We still have a heartbeat. The rate is 160bpm. I measured 7weeks 3 days today. I found this a little disconcerting because I measured 6 weeks 4 days one week ago today. But Dr. D said that was nothing to worry about. My anxiety level is still very high. All of my previous miscarriages have occurred between 68 and 73 days LMP. Today is day 59. Dr. D my MFM is fabulous, so caring and gentle with me her freaked out patient. Two more weeks until I pass the hurdle. My MFM agreed to be my only doctor until we pass that point, then I will need to get an OB too. Maybe by then I will be able to get through an ultrasound without bursting into tears.

First Scan

My scan went well yesterday. I am measuring 6wks 4 days and the heart beat 117bpm. I am terrified.

My RE decided they were just going to release me yesterday, which left me with no plan for the next ultrasound. This is a spontaneous pregnancy to them and I think that makes me less important as far as they are concerned. My RE doctor was not there yesterday either and I had some new guy who didn't know shit about me or my history. He was trying to talk to me about what I should eat and stuff during early pregnancy. I said to him this is my 7th pregnancy I know the deal.

I explained that I needed (yes I need them) weekly ultrasounds for the next 4 weeks, b/c of my history. They didn't seem to care and said talk to your OB about it.

The thing is I don't have an OB yet. I fired my last one, and I haven't got a new one yet. I don't want to either until I make it past the scary part. I do have an MFM and thank GOD for her. I left a hysterical message with her yesterday and she called me back around 6:30 last night. She said she couldn't tell if I was really happy or really scared. I told her I am scared to death. I need a plan, and the RE made me leave without a plan. She said not to worry she would monitor me weekly, and scheduled ultrasounds for the next two weeks. I am so blessed to have her, and she hopefully doesn't think me too crazy. I don't care if she does as long as I can have the weekly scans. Only six more days until the next one.

This part is pure hell or maybe it's more like purgatory because there is that shred of hope that it will be ok. I am trying desperately to focus on work and getting through each day.

Face Down on the bathroom floor

Lucky for me my work is pretty flexible with my scheduling, because adapting to lovenox has been a little challenging. The first shot was great, a little stinging but no bruising. The next two just as good. In fact I was getting a little cocky, thinking I won't bruise at all.

Friday morning I wake up and prepare to give myself the shot. I sit on the toilet while I do it. I got the needle in and then my ears started to ring, I remember pushing the plunger and that's it. Next thing I know I am face down on the bathroom floor. My husband heard a loud bang and it woke him up. When I came to, I yelled for him. He came and asked what happened. The needle is laying on the floor, I'm on the floor my head is killing me, and my knees are banged up, and I have a bruise on my stomach. Luckily no major injuries and I didn't break the needle or anything. I scared myself and my husband to death. I guess my blood sugar was too low, as was my blood pressure.

So today I ate a granola bar first and numbed the spot with ice, then I sat on the floor with my back against the wall. The smell of alcohol makes me dizzy but I did the shot without fainting and that's a start.

I'm bruising every time now, I guess because the blood thinner is doing it's job.